I'm going to be a girl and start off with..."So, there's this guy..."
I hate doing that, but I feel if I at least get it out, then it won't be bothering me inside as much. I've known him for a while now (we went to college together) and have been talking to him on the phone pretty frequently. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is to me. We've mentioned that we both have crushes on each other and got that out in the open and ever since then is when we've been talking on a more regular basis. So here's the thing...he's out of state. (Of course he is...I seem to have that kind of luck...but at least his state is closer than Michigan and Wisconsin, those were just way too far.)
Here's my thing, I'm really starting to like him but I know he's hundred's of miles away. I just with I knew what was going on in his mind. I don't want to waste all these emotions on nothing, you know. I get excited when he calls, and I don't want to get like that if it's not for anything. I know not much can happen right now, but we could build on to something. I don't know. I've never really brought it up to him either because he doesn't really have much spare time to call and when he does it's while he's at work or in the middle of something and can only talk for a few minutes. You can't really bring up personal stuff like that when your surrounded by other people and distracted by work.
Anyways...it's fun for now and I'll roll with it and see where it goes. I just hate having all these unanswered questions swimming through my head...but that's just how girls function...
Oh yea...I went to another wedding this weekend!! Good times, lots of old friends.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
What does it all mean?
I've always been that friend who everyone comes to when they need some advice or just someone to talk to. That was my role in high school, in college and even now. For some reason, that's just been my place in my circle of friends. Anyways...I guess I can give as much "advice" as I can, but sometimes you just need a guys perspective on things and I can't really do that right now, seeing as I'm a girl.
I have this friend who's been getting phone calls from one of her guy friends almost daily for a while now. So my thinking as a girl (because we read into EVERYTHING) is that he must like her, right? Why else would he call her that much. Actually I know he likes her, but there's a distance issue that I'm not even going to get into because my past experiences with out of state boys never really worked out. Anyways. But at the same time I don't want her to read too much into anything because I don't really know what's going on in this guys head. I don't want her to waste any emotions on it if it's not a big deal. I guess my question to all you guys is - why would someone call so much? If she invests any feelings for no reason - I would feel really bad for her. My thoughts are: I wouldn't call someone so much if I wasn't expecting anything or trying to invest in a "future"...but that's just me. I know they're just quick phone calls, but still, they're frequent. Whatever...she'll figure something out.
On another note, I talked with my brother Cory last night because we want to take a vacation to somewhere. So far, a plane ticket anywhere is ridiculously expensive and I need to save that money for my trip to South Carolina this fall. So we may end up just going to Port Aransas for a few days. I still have all my two weeks of vacation left so I really wanted to get out of here for a long while-if possible. Just wish everything didn't cost so much. But rest assure, there will be a vacation to somewhere at sometime, and Good Times will be had!!
I have this friend who's been getting phone calls from one of her guy friends almost daily for a while now. So my thinking as a girl (because we read into EVERYTHING) is that he must like her, right? Why else would he call her that much. Actually I know he likes her, but there's a distance issue that I'm not even going to get into because my past experiences with out of state boys never really worked out. Anyways. But at the same time I don't want her to read too much into anything because I don't really know what's going on in this guys head. I don't want her to waste any emotions on it if it's not a big deal. I guess my question to all you guys is - why would someone call so much? If she invests any feelings for no reason - I would feel really bad for her. My thoughts are: I wouldn't call someone so much if I wasn't expecting anything or trying to invest in a "future"...but that's just me. I know they're just quick phone calls, but still, they're frequent. Whatever...she'll figure something out.
On another note, I talked with my brother Cory last night because we want to take a vacation to somewhere. So far, a plane ticket anywhere is ridiculously expensive and I need to save that money for my trip to South Carolina this fall. So we may end up just going to Port Aransas for a few days. I still have all my two weeks of vacation left so I really wanted to get out of here for a long while-if possible. Just wish everything didn't cost so much. But rest assure, there will be a vacation to somewhere at sometime, and Good Times will be had!!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself
Fear: An unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.-Anxious Concern
Scared: Thrown into or being in a state of fear, fright or panic.
We all have things that we fear or are scared of. My fear in life used to be of not finding something that would make me happy or finding someone to love me...or walking sticks (I am terrified of walking sticks and spiders). Now, I am still fearful of the future and of what it holds - I'm curious as to who I will spend the rest of my life with and if I will ever find that someone, and when it will happen. I see so many 'happy couples' and I still go out with my friends as the only single person and it makes me feel a little sad at times.
I've lived by myself for so long that I sometimes feel like I'm almost destined to stay alone - but that fear is being over powered by another fear. I'm constantly in fear, looking over my shoulder, checking the peep-hole before I open the door, having people walk me to my car. I have a criminal trespassing warning out on this guy, to where he can't step on church or my apartment complex property.
As I was going to church on Sunday morning he was just sitting there on the church property line. That's it, just sitting. He knows his limits and he definitely pushes them. I was just very uncomfortable with him sitting there. I had to drive by a couple of times before I had enough strength to pull into the parking lot. I hate having that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I shoudn't have to worry about going to work in the mornings.
I hate being nervous all the time. Now one should have to live like this and be scared to go anywhere. I'm hoping these warnings will help because I just want to go back ot how my life used to be.
Scared: Thrown into or being in a state of fear, fright or panic.
We all have things that we fear or are scared of. My fear in life used to be of not finding something that would make me happy or finding someone to love me...or walking sticks (I am terrified of walking sticks and spiders). Now, I am still fearful of the future and of what it holds - I'm curious as to who I will spend the rest of my life with and if I will ever find that someone, and when it will happen. I see so many 'happy couples' and I still go out with my friends as the only single person and it makes me feel a little sad at times.
I've lived by myself for so long that I sometimes feel like I'm almost destined to stay alone - but that fear is being over powered by another fear. I'm constantly in fear, looking over my shoulder, checking the peep-hole before I open the door, having people walk me to my car. I have a criminal trespassing warning out on this guy, to where he can't step on church or my apartment complex property.
As I was going to church on Sunday morning he was just sitting there on the church property line. That's it, just sitting. He knows his limits and he definitely pushes them. I was just very uncomfortable with him sitting there. I had to drive by a couple of times before I had enough strength to pull into the parking lot. I hate having that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I shoudn't have to worry about going to work in the mornings.
I hate being nervous all the time. Now one should have to live like this and be scared to go anywhere. I'm hoping these warnings will help because I just want to go back ot how my life used to be.
Friday, July 21, 2006
The Next Step
This morning the next step was taken regarding the situation going on in my life. I had a Detective Sergeant come and speak with me this morning about how he feels about what is going on. Since he was concerned...that made me concerned. Because this is a rough/tough guy, so that was a little scary.
But we sat down with some men from church and discussed what needed to happen and we decided that a criminal restraint is the best shot for now. Which means he cannot come onto the church property or my complex property, and if he does step foot on a blade of grass I can call the cops and they will take care of him. So I hope that was a good thing for me to have done and it's not something that will upset him to do anything inappropriate.
So basically I've just had this nervous feeling in my stomach all day long. Looking around corners and checking behind me when I walk around. It's uncomfortable, but I hope that will do something.
But we sat down with some men from church and discussed what needed to happen and we decided that a criminal restraint is the best shot for now. Which means he cannot come onto the church property or my complex property, and if he does step foot on a blade of grass I can call the cops and they will take care of him. So I hope that was a good thing for me to have done and it's not something that will upset him to do anything inappropriate.
So basically I've just had this nervous feeling in my stomach all day long. Looking around corners and checking behind me when I walk around. It's uncomfortable, but I hope that will do something.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
What Now?
Remember creepy guy...well even after the police talked to him about not coming around me, I got another letter from him today. He left it in the church office with our secretary. This one was a little uncomfortable. He never really threatened me or anything, but it was a little threatening to anyone how may be around me. So that's a little scary.
All morning and even now I'm just a little uneasy and not being able to focus. I'm just very uncomfortable right now and don't really know the proper way to handle situations like this. I tried called the sergeant that I've been working with, but he seems to be on vacation this week, so I haven't gotten to share any of this information with him. All in due time.
So my great week has just kind of come to a stand still because I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder at everything I do. Not a very fun way to be spending the day...
On another note, I got to talk with Lauren for a lengthy time yesterday. It was a much needed talk, especially with her being so far away we don't get to gossip and share things with each other like we used to. Got to talk about boys, religion, future...the list could go on. I love getting her input on things and hearing advice from her. It just makes life easier for me. I'm getting very exciting about getting to go and visit her this fall. I'm just ready to take a trip somewhere...even if it is by myself!! I love to travel.
OK, so day camp is going well and that makes it easy on me...but I should head out to go check on all of those elementary kiddo's and make sure everyone is still up and running...
All morning and even now I'm just a little uneasy and not being able to focus. I'm just very uncomfortable right now and don't really know the proper way to handle situations like this. I tried called the sergeant that I've been working with, but he seems to be on vacation this week, so I haven't gotten to share any of this information with him. All in due time.
So my great week has just kind of come to a stand still because I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder at everything I do. Not a very fun way to be spending the day...
On another note, I got to talk with Lauren for a lengthy time yesterday. It was a much needed talk, especially with her being so far away we don't get to gossip and share things with each other like we used to. Got to talk about boys, religion, future...the list could go on. I love getting her input on things and hearing advice from her. It just makes life easier for me. I'm getting very exciting about getting to go and visit her this fall. I'm just ready to take a trip somewhere...even if it is by myself!! I love to travel.
OK, so day camp is going well and that makes it easy on me...but I should head out to go check on all of those elementary kiddo's and make sure everyone is still up and running...
Sunday, July 16, 2006
New Realizations
What an Awesome weekend I had. I got to see and hang out with so many amazing people. It started off with having a drink with my new friend I made at church to spending the night with an old friend from high school....and then so much more in between. Through out this weekend I realized somethings about myself and about what I would like in my future.
Friday night after a long day of shopping, eating and spending time with an Amazing Guy - I ran into my neighbors and was invited to go out with them for some Dinner & Dancing. We went out to the SPJST hall in the great town of Taylor, TX. It was awesome, it was just a little hall out in the middle of nowhere that had delicious burgers and a spot for dancing. I danced my first polka and was pretty proud of myself. But the hall was filled with couples that were no younger than 75 or 80 (no joke). And they were loving it. These couples that have been married for 40+ years that were sitting with each other dancing and being so affectionate with each other. They danced so much with each other and were always smiling. You could just see how much they loved each other.
I realized that that's what I want. Someone who will still want to dance with me after 50 years of being together, someone who will still sit with their arms around my shoulder and squeeze my neck every now and then. It was just so neat to see how these couples acted after a long life together. I think it's awesome to see and know someone can love someone else for decades and still love them the same. Amazing! I just hope I will end up with someone and be in love for that long...
I also realized that I want to have a backyard that has some sort of pond or creek with a bench by it, so that I can sit and watch the water. I think that would be pleasant. Spending the evening with my hot guy by the water and just sit there. That's all that would need to happen.
I also realized how awkward I get around guys when it's just one on one. I don't know why, but I just have a hard time being myself because I'm always scared of what they're thinking...are we thinking the same thing? Does he just want to be my friend? Do I have something on my face? Should I touch him, what should I do if he touches me?...you know...I just think too much sometime. I guess I just need to let things happen and not worry so much. But as a girl...that's just what we do. I don't know how to stop it. I can tell myself to, but I don't always listen to my own advice.
Anyways...All in All, my weekend was excellent and now I get to play hostess to three college aged girls for the week. Hope I don't get too cramped with that many people in my apartment...
Friday night after a long day of shopping, eating and spending time with an Amazing Guy - I ran into my neighbors and was invited to go out with them for some Dinner & Dancing. We went out to the SPJST hall in the great town of Taylor, TX. It was awesome, it was just a little hall out in the middle of nowhere that had delicious burgers and a spot for dancing. I danced my first polka and was pretty proud of myself. But the hall was filled with couples that were no younger than 75 or 80 (no joke). And they were loving it. These couples that have been married for 40+ years that were sitting with each other dancing and being so affectionate with each other. They danced so much with each other and were always smiling. You could just see how much they loved each other.
I realized that that's what I want. Someone who will still want to dance with me after 50 years of being together, someone who will still sit with their arms around my shoulder and squeeze my neck every now and then. It was just so neat to see how these couples acted after a long life together. I think it's awesome to see and know someone can love someone else for decades and still love them the same. Amazing! I just hope I will end up with someone and be in love for that long...
I also realized that I want to have a backyard that has some sort of pond or creek with a bench by it, so that I can sit and watch the water. I think that would be pleasant. Spending the evening with my hot guy by the water and just sit there. That's all that would need to happen.
I also realized how awkward I get around guys when it's just one on one. I don't know why, but I just have a hard time being myself because I'm always scared of what they're thinking...are we thinking the same thing? Does he just want to be my friend? Do I have something on my face? Should I touch him, what should I do if he touches me?...you know...I just think too much sometime. I guess I just need to let things happen and not worry so much. But as a girl...that's just what we do. I don't know how to stop it. I can tell myself to, but I don't always listen to my own advice.
Anyways...All in All, my weekend was excellent and now I get to play hostess to three college aged girls for the week. Hope I don't get too cramped with that many people in my apartment...
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
All over Texas
I don't even know where to begin. I've just been all over the place these past couple weeks. From Georgetown to Floresville to Falls City to San Antonio to Falls City to Kerrville to Georgetown to San Antonio and back to Georgetown.
My best friend from high school got married the other weekend and I had such a great time with all of those activities. It was a busy weekend, but it was definitely worth it. It was wonderful and beautiful and just a good time. I don't think I've had that much fun at a wedding ever...that could be a lie, but I don't know. I just had so much fun with everyone. It was like a high school reunion.
Then I headed to camp for a couple days to see my elementary kiddos. That was a great time. I hit on a couple younger boys...no big deal. It's just funny. Plus my friend Sam just eggs it on so it was like a competition. I had a wonderful time there though.
Then it was off to San Antonio with my high school youth for the ELCA National Youth Gathering that happens every 3 years. It was a busy 5 days. I am so worn out. But I had a great time there as well. It's funny how being in a crowd of 15,000 people you can still run into people you know a number of times. I think I ran into my cousin from Dallas on two different occasions and then I ran into a guy from camp at least every day...maybe even twice a day. It was so weird. But it was a great experience. My group really enjoyed themselves. They mostly liked meeting the cute boys and girls there, but still, at least they had a good time, right?!!
So now I'm back in Georgetown trying to catch up on all the sleep I lost this week. The cold I got isn't really helping that much, but I'm pushing through it. Next week is my last busy week of the summer so I'm just preparing myself for that. Then I'm going to take a vacation. So if anyone has any suggestions of where I should go, I'm open to any ideas. I plan on taking some time off in mid-August if anyone is willing to host a traveler!!!
My best friend from high school got married the other weekend and I had such a great time with all of those activities. It was a busy weekend, but it was definitely worth it. It was wonderful and beautiful and just a good time. I don't think I've had that much fun at a wedding ever...that could be a lie, but I don't know. I just had so much fun with everyone. It was like a high school reunion.
Then I headed to camp for a couple days to see my elementary kiddos. That was a great time. I hit on a couple younger boys...no big deal. It's just funny. Plus my friend Sam just eggs it on so it was like a competition. I had a wonderful time there though.
Then it was off to San Antonio with my high school youth for the ELCA National Youth Gathering that happens every 3 years. It was a busy 5 days. I am so worn out. But I had a great time there as well. It's funny how being in a crowd of 15,000 people you can still run into people you know a number of times. I think I ran into my cousin from Dallas on two different occasions and then I ran into a guy from camp at least every day...maybe even twice a day. It was so weird. But it was a great experience. My group really enjoyed themselves. They mostly liked meeting the cute boys and girls there, but still, at least they had a good time, right?!!
So now I'm back in Georgetown trying to catch up on all the sleep I lost this week. The cold I got isn't really helping that much, but I'm pushing through it. Next week is my last busy week of the summer so I'm just preparing myself for that. Then I'm going to take a vacation. So if anyone has any suggestions of where I should go, I'm open to any ideas. I plan on taking some time off in mid-August if anyone is willing to host a traveler!!!
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