Acoustic #3

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screamin'
You're not listening anyway

-GooGoo Dolls

How do you know?

The past couple weeks I've really been contemplating what I should be doing with my life. Not just right now, but also in the future.

The people that Lauren and I met in Key West all had college degrees and just decided that since they didn't know what they wanted to do with their lives, they would just move to the Keys for a while and just LIVE and work. How awesome to be able to just pick up and leave.

As for me I graduated college early, got a salary paid job, medical and dental insurance, FICA, plus, I set up my own additional retirement plan. This was all while I was 21. What kind of sane 21 year old does something like that? I was talking with my neighbor about life yesterday and if I was missing out on anything. How many people my age are even out of college? I look at what I have done and I am so proud of myself and I know that when I'm older I'm going to appreciate everything that I have done, espcially that I have a couple retirement plans so that hopefully I will be able to retire when the time comes. BUT...I am still so young. Shouldn't I be living and seeing the world and doing all this exciting stuff now before I settle down?

I don't know what life is supposed to be lie. One side of me wants to just travel around and get odd jobs wherever I land...but then the other side of me is thinking: Becky you have it so awesome right now and are in a secure position that people older that you are wanting what you have right now.

How am I supposed to know what I should be doing??

"These are my thoughts written down on paper,
It's my only savior,
From not saying what I want to say,
These are the thoughts that are on my mind,
Moments that haven't yet been defined,
And I don't know if you could ever understand,
These are the things I can't say when were alone."
-NFG

Galaxy 500

So this weekend was awesome. I really had a good couple of days. My younger brother and my cousin spent Thursday night at my place, and so we hung out on Friday. We did lunch at Chili's...My treat...and then we went to the movies. We saw "40 Year Old Virgin"...I had already seen it on opening night. But that was the only movie I wanted to see out of the ones they chose. It was hilarious, even the second time. So that was good times.

Then, Saturday I went to an awesome 16th Birthday party for Brinney...Good times!!

But I got to hang out with my cousin Richard again that night. It was fun. I had never really actually hung out with him before. Him and my brother are the same age so they always hung out together. But he took me down town and we went to a "Going Away" party for our friend Brad who is going into the Peace Corp next month. Anyways...it was great. We hung out at the party and then we even went bowling together. I didn't realize how much fun this is. We'll probably hang out together more often, now that we got that initial first time 'hanging-out' out of the way.
Whatever...Sunday was good to. I had a couple of pool parties that I had to attend for my youth. They all turned out really well, a good show at both of them. And I didn't even have to get in and swim. I was just the authority figure, which is great, because I'm not much of a swimmer.

I also got a phone call from Wisconsin boy (chris) last night. We ended up talking for about 3 hours. It was nice. He seems like a really neat person. I don't know what to expect of it because it was kind of a "forced" meeting. Not really... I don't know how to describe it without writing an essay. Anyways...I would like to talk to him again because we seemed to get along on the phone. I don't know...we'll see what comes out of it.

Phone Calls

Yesterday was jus the day for phone calls...

Carl: One of my best friends from college called and was returning a phone call about a meeting he needs to be at with me tonight. He's helping us on a project for December.

Dube: I had a huge crush on him in College and we were really good friends. He just wanted to catch up and see how things were going. That really made me smile. He is such a nice guy, so it was nice to hear from him and know that he was thinking of me.

Daniel: My younger brother...he just wanted to know if he could crash at my place for the night. He did, it was fun. We hung out.

Chris: That guy from Wisconsin that a lady from the church is trying to hook me up with. He has a VERY deep voice with an accent. It was nice to hear from him actually. We only talked for about 10 minutes, but he'll said he'll call later.

Chris: Another guy from sort of TLU. I hung out with him a couple weeks ago on 6th Street. We kind of made out a little even though he has a girlfriend. I felt bad afterwards, but whatever. Anyways...he said he was going to come up in a couple weeks and said he would call to hang out. Plus, he just wanted to hear my voice. Puh-Leaze. I don't understand guys. Plus, when were getting off the phone, he called me "mama"...OK, so I do have some people that call me that, but they're close friends. So for him to do that was kind of weird.

All in all it was an interesting day of phone converstaions.

Brighter than Sunshine

This is definitely a song I would like to dance to at my wedding (whenever that may be):

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine A
nd it's brighter than sunshine

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
Suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

I got a feeling in my soul ...

-Aqualung

I Did It

I'm trying to freshen up my life right now. I'm not real sure how to do that...but that's what I want to do right now.
I deleted Matt from some of my profile sites...Everytime I log on to them, his face pops up and it just makes me hurt. So...I did it. I took him off and hopefully that will do something. Plus I'm just trying to stay positive. Sometimes that's a little easier said than done. I'm not someone that can just push people out of my life and forget about them. Everyone stays with me somehow. So that's a big deal for me to do that to someone. But it's for the Best and it will make me a Better person. Hopefully a little happier.

Brighter than Sunshine

I like opening up my Rolling Stones Magazine and reading about people from Texas. I just think it's neat. I also like it when I actually like the people.

In college I lived next door to these awesome soccer players. They were great guys. Well, they were I guess, 'Thugs at Heart'. If you know what I mean. Anyways...they were really into this Mike Jones character. I listen to rap, I even did my senior thesis on rap music. But I had never heard of him. Well, they made me one of his cd's and it's great. It's all free-style, chopped and screwed. Good stuff. But it was one of those things that if you weren't from Houston, you most likely had never heard of him. Well, of course now he's all over the radio. But I just like thinking back a couple years when it was all new to me. Good times.

"Hittin the block with rocks in socks let down my top
when the sun is hot
ice drippin from grilling watts
some complain cause Mike is hot"
-Mike Jones

I watched "Alot like Love" last night. Now that was a great movie. I had never seen it. It was super good. I really enjoyed. I'll recommend that to you all.

"What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine A
nd it's brighter than sunshine"
-Aqualung

Lesson's on Happiness

1. Be on the lookout for negative thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking your life is terrible, stop the thought in its tracks.

2. Put things in perspective. Remember, everyone's life is full of sorrows and joys.

3. Try to find the good in bad situations. If you've suffered a setback at work, for example, look at what the situation tell you about yourself and learn from it. But don't dwell on it.

4. Learn from your mistakes. Failure is one of the greatest learning tools, but many people let failure deeat them. Learn and try, try again.

5. Even if you're felilng down, act as if your mood is good. Smile at others. Laugh. After a while, you may find that your mood really does improve.

6. Be grateful. Gratitude can help you focus on what's right in your life.

Sure, some of this sounds easy...but it's not always.

As taken from the July 2005 Issue of the Mayo Clinic Health Question

Little Things

Have you ever noticed how little things just trigger your memory? Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes that's a bad thing.
The song "It's Been A While" always reminds me of Justin because he would constantly sing that when we worked at camp together.
Margarita's make me think of Courtney.
The smell of cloves reminds me of the summer of 2002.
Napolean Dynamite makes me think of just about all my high school youth.
The list could go to.
Well I was walking down my short hallway in my apartment this weekend and I noticed that my High School Graduation picture was hanging upside down. Yes, I had noticed it earlier but I just never did anything about it. Well, Matt did that while he was down and I just thought it was cute to keep it like that. Why did I keep it like that? Because I'm a girl. I hate these little triggers that just bring thoughts flooding back into my head...get them out!!

"The Little things, little things
They always hang around
The Little things, little things
They try to break me down
The Little things, little things
They just won't go away
The Little things, little things
Made me who I am today"
-GC

I also don't understand what goes on in people's minds when they say..."I'll call you later" or "We'll talk soon". Just say: "I'm NOT going to call you, so don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring". Yea, it's harsh, but I'd rather hear that than wonder when the next time a phone call is going to come. I've actually had a friend tell me that once...goodness was there a ton of questions going through my mind. But you know, as much as it hurt, I wasn't waiting around like an idiot for something to happen. I still sit around thinking...maybe he'll call today. Damn, Becky. Get over it.

On another note. I sure did get a lot of compliments on Sunday about how good I looked. I don't want to brag, but I can clean up nicely when I want to.
I got my first pedicure yesterday too. It was a treat from my future mother-in-law for my birthday. It was a nice little day. I was extremely impresed with it. Usually, I don't like anything near my feet, but I was so glad that I did that. Good Day.

Are You Kidding Me???

Seriously...what's the deal with blogger spam. That is ridiculous. Aaaaauuuuugh...

So yesterday was a non-stop day. I got to work and was actually doing stuff when another area youth director came over to chit-chat over some ideas. Well turns out that I just started to vent about life and the sorts and she was like...OK, let's get out of here. So we ran some errands, went to lunch, and worked on an event that we are doing together with some other churchs tomorrow. Anyways...it was nice to get out of the office and be with people for a while. But it was a long day, I didn't get back to my church to go home until 7:00...I was beat. But I scrounged up enough energy to go meet up with Lauren.

Really, I wouldn't have missed it even if I was tired. She keeps me sane. Plus, who wouldn't want to hang out with her. I love spending time with her. We went to the usually spot...*bux. Love it. And just talked about life, boys, work, and shared some more Key West Pictures. Her's are amazing...be looking for those in the future.

Then I went straight to the wonderful town of Walburg for a little Kariokee watching. I say watching because there is no way I would get up in front of people I don't know and make a fool of myself. But Kyle...I respect you for that. You and Brandon were AMAZING. Yes, that was sarcasm. But still, I mean it. Good times. Thanks for calling to hang out.

Since I got to stay out late last night...I slept till about 11:15. Holy Moly, I haven't slept that late for a while now. But it was great, I really needed that. So today is going to be a lazy day...YESSSS. Maybe a movie tonight, right? Alright, Peace Out yo's.

Wisconsin Vs. Michigan

I have this woman at church, who is also a great friend and a mother of one of my high school girls. Well, she has a cousin that is from Wisconsin that she wants to hook me up with. She keeps telling me how nice he is and that he has a great job and he's stable and all this wonderful stuff.

So she emails his mother some pictures of me and keeps calling him to make some kind of contact with him. Well, he called her last night and left a message on her cell phone, so she came up to church a little while ago so that I could also hear the message he left. You can really tell that he's from Wisconsin. It was kind of cute.

I had dinner at their house last night and she showed me some old pictures of him...like 5 years old. He's pretty cute...so that's good. At least she's not "setting me up" with someone that isn't fun to look at.

So I'm a little excited, a little nervous and a little overwhelmed. I haven't really had much luck wtih this out-of-state stuff recently, so I don't know what is going to make this one any better. Plus...it get's cold in Wisconsin. Anyways...we'll just see what happens.

A Little Bit of Me

B/A/S/I/C/S/
What is your first name?: BECKY
What is your second name:? ALYN
What is your zodiac sign?: LEO

/L/O/O/K/ /A/T/ /M/E/
Whats your natural hair color?: DARK BLONDE
What is your current hair color?: 'TRUFFLE'
What color are your eyes?: TODAY THEY'RE BLUE...SOMETIMES THEY'RE GREEN, SOMETIMES GRAY...DEPENDING ON WHAT I'M WEARING
Piercings?: JUST MY EARS
Tattoos?: YEA...TWO
Long or Short Hair?: SORT OF LONG
Straight or Curly?: STRAIGHT
How tall are you?: 5'3"
Whats your shoe size?: 8

/C/U/R/R/E/N/T/L/Y/ W/E/A/R/I/N/G
What shirt are you wearing?: A BLACK TANK TOP WITH A WHITE TANK TOP OVER IT
What kind of shorts/pants/ are you wearing?: JEANS
Socks?: YES...THEY'RE WHITE WITH BLACK STARTS ON THEM
Underwear?: EVERY DAY

Necklaces?: A BLACK PIECE OF LEATHER THAT I JUST TIED IN A KNOT

Braclets?: I HAVE A BLACK WRIST BAND ON
Mascara?: YES
Eyeliner?: NOPE
Any other make up?: SOME BLACK EYE SHADOW
Is your hair up or down?: IT'S ALWAYS DOWN

/H/A/V/E/ Y/O/U/ E/V/E/R/
Kissed the opposite sex?: YES
kissed the same Sex? YES
made out with someone?: YES
Hugged someone?: OF COURSE
Been on the phone until the sun came up?: PROBABLY
Put a song on repeat for more than 2 hours?:UMMM...NOT THAT LONG
Gone Skinny dipping?: NOPE
Flashed anyone?: NOPE
Mooned anyone?: NOPE
Laughed so hard you pissed in your pants: I DON'T THINK SO
Got chased by the police?: SURE
Got in trouble with the police?: UMMM....NOT REAL TROUBLE
Got detention?: NEVER
Went to Juvy?: NOPE
Went streaking?: NO
Crashed a party?: NO
Slept past 4 in the afternooon?: NO
Dumped someone?: NO
Got Dumped?: SORT OF
Rejected someone?: YEA
Got rejected?: OF COURSE
Skipped School?: YEA

/T/H/E/ L/A/S/T/
person you talked to in person?: MARY
person you talked to online?: BRINNEY
person you talked to on the phone?: SAM
movie you saw in the theaters?: BATMAN BEGINS...THAT'S NOT RIGHT BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER
thing you ate?: PEANUT BUTTER M&M'S
drank?: WATER
laughed?: A LITTLE WHILE AGO
person you told you loved them?: MY MOM

/R/A/N/D/O/M/
Do you like surveys?: WELL...THEY GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO
What kind of shampoo do you use? BRILLIANT BRUNETTE
Do you ever wonder what your life will be like 10 years down the road?: YEA...A LOT
Are you scared of what life will be like in 10 years?: NOT REALLY
Do you get along with your parents?: YES, WE GET ALONG GREAT
Are you old enough to vote?: YES
Are you happy?: MOST OF THE TIME
Are you sad?: SOME DAYS
Do you have mental breakdowns?: SOMETIMES
Did you ever tell your parents you didn't feel good so you didnt have to go to school?: NO
Do you have a cell phone: YES
Are you glad this is over?: DOESN'T PHASE ME

To All my friends

To all my friends that read this...which I'm sure isn't many. I just wanted to share with you that I love you all, and you all have a special place in my heart. Don't mean to sound cheesy...but hey, cheese is good.

Plus, I'm excited about my new shoes I'm wearing right now. They're like my checkered Van's...but they're argyle. They're awesome. Black, Pink and white. Awwww...I'm too cute right now.

What a pretty bride...I think she's actually thinner than I am. 

Aaaauuuuu....the Gorilla has me...but, yes, I am enjoying it. 

Do you think he'll say "Yes"? 

Heck Yea, we're buff 

Peanut is Finally back with me...YEA!!! 

Head Out On the Highway

I really like to drive. It clears my mind, gives me something to do, and it puts me in control. Plus, there's always an adventure when you drive. I can just be myself and do whatever I want. If I want to use my steering wheel as drum, I can...and I do. If I want to sing as loud as I want to, I can...and I do.
I get to listen to whatever I want to listen to, go where I want to go and just have fun.
I also love to watch people while they drive.
Some have their seats real close to the steering wheel to where they're almost at the dashboard.
Some have their seats on the lean where they could practically take a nap while they drive.
Some drive with the windows down, whether it's hot, cold, or raining.
Sometimes music is VERY loud to where you can feel it, other times...it's not.
Some have their hands at 10-and-two.
Some only have one hand the wheel.
Some have their hands out the window surfing the air.
Some are on the cell phone, some putting on make-up, some making hand gestures.
I like to watch people sing while they drive, that's always good times.

Awwww...what a great thing to have a vehicle.

"Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go
Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone"
-Kenny Loggins

Mother Knows Best

I had a nice talk with my mom this morning. She caught me crying in the bathroom...sometimes I just can't help myself and it all just floods out.
So we talked about my job and if I thought Iw as doing a good job. I mean, I know I'm doing a good job and my kids really like me and call me whenever they have a problem.
I just think that I'm the one with the problem. I don't have anyone in Georgetown that I can talk to everyday when I get off of work or someone to just vent to. I can't vent to anyone from the church because that wouldn't be right, but those are the only people that I know up there.

I also talked to mom about how I'm still upset over the whole Matt thing. But I came to this realization that I just liked having that person that wasn't around all the time that knew my friends or my problems that I could just talk to at the end of the day. I got used to that positive energy that I got every day from talking to him and now that I don't have that person to talk to and share stuff with, it just makes my life miserable. I mean, I have friends I can talk to, but it was different being able to talk to someone that just wasn't around and knew everything that was going on. Does that make sense. I'm not good at opening up...so I'd rather do that with someone that wasn't going to see it everyday. Whatever...I just miss that.

Plus it still pisses me off that he drove through Georgetown the other day and didn't even call to say "hey, I'm driving through". I just need to get that out of my mind right now. Find someone else to share stuff with....sure, that's going to be easy, right.

My mom is just a great person to talk to about life. She just keeps saying great things that are getting me to be comfortable with what's going on. She knows I should be in this position at work and that I'm doing good things. I just need to stay focused and postive. I just need to get reenergized.

Home Sweet Family

There's just something about coming home and getting away from it all.
I was just out of my mind all morning at work...stressed, confused, lonely, sad...all kinds of emotions.
And then I pull up to my parents house and everything just melts away. I talk with my mom about my job and how I feel about it. I take goofy pictures with my brother Daniel. And we all sit down and have dinner as a family and just sit outside and talk.

I'm not stressed when I'm here. I just feel carefree. It makes me happy.
Then I'm going to drive home tomorrow and be right back where I started. Weird feelings about what I'm doing with my life and why I'm just not happy where I am...But that's another story that I don't want to get in to. I'd rather keep that to myself right now.

I'll just soke it all up right now while I'm here.

Next Summer

Things to do in Key West with your boyfriend (or girlfriend I guess)

Lauren and I decided we want to go back there when we have boyfriends, and this is what we are going to do:

• Rent these little scooters that are all over the place, and ride it with the boy.
• Go parasailing together. It's a pretty romantic thing to do...just float 500 feet above the water and just look out and the beautiful surroundings.
• Take a sun-set cruise together. (There's an open bar on those things)
• Play "Kissy-Face" while on the boat watching the sunset.
• Have a group slumber party on a boat out in the ocean. We watched boats just sit out in the water at night, how fun would that be?

I'm sure there is plenty more to do. I had such a great time there with Lauren, but at the same time as we're walking around there were all these couples holding hands and being happy together that we figured that is something we should do as well. I guess we just need to find those boys that would actually want to spend that much time with us. Anyways...that's the plan.

Hanging out on the fake beach 

At the Southernmost point of the Continental United States.  

Watching the Sunset at Mallory Square 

Lauren being Silly...but isn't she adorable!! 

We wanted to do something fun for my birthday. Here we are out in the Atlantic Ocean 

Flying High...well, we went higher, but at least you can still see our faces on this one. 

Happy Birthday Sundae at the Hard Rock Cafe, Key West 

Chillin' at the FLYING MONKEY for my Birthday!!! 

"It's Like Dodging Bullets Here"

We're Back! Yeah, I guess.
Back to Life, Back to Reality.

Lauren and I had a great little vacation. Unexpected occurences, but it's what made our vacation what it was. Here are the high lights:

Miss our flight from Miami to Key West, so we spend an unplanned night in Miami. Fun right?...well, we stayed in the ghetto. So that was neat. We walked around and ate at Ihop because that was the closest thing that was open at that time. (No, we didn't have any luggage so we just made due with what we had).

Finally get the Key West a few hours before the wedding. So we walk around for a while and then get ready to celebrate.
The wedding was gorgeous. Right over the water on a pier at the Southern Most House. We watched, ate, it rained. Then we walked back.
Met a great guy named Hutch who asked about 15 times if he could kidnap me for the night. We didn't let him.

Sunday we got up for church, but were late so we didn't make it. But it's the thought that counts. So we went to the beach instead. It wasn't that great. But at least we made it their. Then shopping. Then getting proposed to. Then drinks. Drinks with whom you ask? Well, the Producer of the Real World of course. We only mingle with the famous people. It was awesome. He was a great guy.

Then Monday, My BIRTHDAY!! It was great, we went to the Butterfly conservatory, Parasailing, Hard Rock Cafe and then more drinks. Good Times.

Sunday was the Aquarium. Neat stuff. Then flying out...which was also a hassle...but if you really care, I'll go into more detail with you. Because there was so much more that happened, but maybe I'll sprinkle it in with each new post.
Love you all and it's good to be back.

What Does it Take?

I find myself being very wise in the mornings as I gather my thoughts and get ready to start the new day. It's just the time before I wake up that I don't get. I went to sleep early last night because I felt super exhausted (even though I really didn't do much all day) and therefore I woke up in the middle of the night and I was wide awake. Instead of falling back to sleep...I found myself thinking about a certain guy that I tell myself everyday to not think of. Shit like that drives me crazy, because I keep thinking "what did I do wrong?" "I'm stupid for still having these feelings in me"...anyways...this morning as I was getting ready this song by Aerosmith comes on the radio:
"Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go."
And then it hit me...there really isn't any ONE way to let go. It's not like talking to them is going to make things better. I think it's just something that has to happen. Mine comes in shifts. I have these awesome days where I feel...Whatever, I'm better than that. I'm an awesome person and I don't need to be screwed over. But then there are the other days where I just lay on the living room floor and sulk. Aaauuugh.

BUT...vacation tomorrow!!! I'm getting super burned out about everything: life, work...I guess that's all that I have right now. But it will be great.

Got those Mom's

This morning as I was taking a shower I was thinking about how I impress all these mom's. I remember in high school there was a lady from Falls City that just wanted me to marry her son. Don't get me wrong, I totally had a crush on him and he was my first kiss and all, but she was already talking like this while I was like 15. Come on. Then when I move to Georgetown I have another mom that just desperately wants me to marry her son as well because I would be perfect for him...Again...great guy, totally hot, in a band, good christian...I would marry him in a heartbeat, but it's another one-way road. Then this past weekend at Becca's wedding, her mother says to me, "well the next wedding is going to be you and Eric (Becca's brother). I've been waiting for that day." Now that one was out of the blue. But then, Becca's aunt says "no, she should marry my son because I already have someone for Eric." OK, her son is like 19, so that's not going to happen.

OK...my point is, why am I so attractive to these mother's who want me in their family so bad, but can't seem to get any guy to think the same way? I'm just getting a little irritated at that because they think I'm, in some perspectives, "perfect" for their sons. Why can't I get those boys to think like that?

So then I was thinking about other guys throughout my life...who I attract, who I'm attracted to and so on.
So far the people that have been attracted to me have been either WAY TOO old (like a high school baseball coach and a senior in high school) or a little young for my taste (fresh out of high school). They've also, been guys that are in committed relationships. I guess they can't be too committed if they want to play "kissy-face" with someone else though. But then I keep thinking...well, that's better for me because I don't have to be the one that has anything to worry about.
I think I look for guys that wouldn't be attracted to me, or that are in a relationship because that way there is no risk for me and I won't have to worry about getting hurt. Although, what I'm really doing is hurting myself because I set myself up for disappointment. Oh well.

What is it with me and guys? Does everyone have to go through all this?

Perfect

I think I've come to the conclusion that I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I was thinking about how I complain about knowing people up here (I mean, I guess I do if I really thought about it). But then I was thinking...even if I moved closer to home, like in San Antonio or San Marcos even, I would still be in the same funk. I mean, I love most of the people that I went to high school with, but I don't think I would be calling them up all the time asking them to hang out. I would still just sit wherever I was living and complain about not knowing anyone. So basically, it doesn't matter where I'm at, it just matters how I deal with the situation.

I miss how it was in college, if I was bored I would go to the apartment on either side of me to hang out. Granted they weren't the most perfect people (but who is), but they were my friends and they treated me like friends should be treated. I never cheated them and they respected the fact that I wasn't going to partake in everything that they did. All in all they were great guys, (besides the fact that they would steal my underwear...funny story).

I keep getting these urges to just pick up and leave...move somewhere. I don't know where, but somewhere not here. I mean, I love my job and I love my kids, but I'm at that point where I just don't know what to do at times. I'm hoping to be able to clear my head and get to some kind of reality by going on this trip. I'm just a little overwhelmed at the moment. Don't know why, but I am. (actually, I do know why, I'm just trying to get past some issues). Basically I just want to get excited about life and be happy like I was a few years ago. It's really hard for me to be truly happy and truly smile and mean it. You know what I mean?...Whatever. I'm out.

"You should know that I would never let you go.
I'm here to bear the weight of years.
You turn away what else is left for me to say?
you'll think what you want.
It's like we're once again at the first part.
It's safe to fall if you just trust the ground that you stand on.
I swear I would never let you down.
You should know sometimes it's hard for me
to show my fears but I'm never insincere.
Don't turn away from what you trusted yesterday.
I'm still that person that you can always depend on.
You live and learn but when I'm gone I won't return.
You don't have to feel that burn and
I'll know the time has come when you wake up alone and fine.
But truth is not just in the now"
-Midtown

That's What I'm Talking About...

That IS what I'm talkin' about.

I got a phone call today...Usually I don't really answer if I don't recognize the number...but it said FLORIDA right over the number, so I did.
Well, it was Mr. Wes from Southern Cross. Wanting to chit-chat about how he know's some Moczygemba's. Surprisingly our hotel host is from Texas and know's a couple of 'Po-Lock's'. It's just a small world how this guy all the way from southern florida is from texas and knows Moczygemba's and Dzuik's...weird. Anyways...he just wanted to finalize some of our late arrival plans. Seeing as we'll get there after the office is closed.
Whatever...I'm ready to do this. Relaxing on the beach...YES!!

As Days Go By

Well another wonderful weekend has come and gone and it's back to work. Only right now, I'm just not in the mood because I keep thinking of the trip to Key West. I'm hoping once I do that and relax I can get back into the swing of things again. But seriously, I don't see that happening.
I'm having a hard time staying up with everything I have going on. I find myself very distracted, I have this big event for the Junior High at the end of this month, but then I find myself worrying about a High School event that is at the end of the year. I just can't seem to get my mind off of one thing so that I can focus on another thing. Aaaaauuuuu.

Whatever....4 more days Lauren!!

"You only hold me up like this
Cause you don't know who I really am
I used to waste my time on
Waste my time on
Waste my time dreaming of being alive
(now I only waste it dreaming of you)"
-Fall Out Boy

Rehearsal Day.... 

Just a two gorgeous ladies hanging out. 

Much Love all around 

A sweet Memory that Becca and I share. 

My parents and I waiting for some food. 

How sweet are they??!! 

YUM!!! That chocolate cake was delicious. 

Jenny and I were Dancing Fools that night 

I always seem to end up with pictures left on a role of film...so of course, I take a picture of myself.