I think I've come to the conclusion that I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I was thinking about how I complain about knowing people up here (I mean, I guess I do if I really thought about it). But then I was thinking...even if I moved closer to home, like in San Antonio or San Marcos even, I would still be in the same funk. I mean, I love most of the people that I went to high school with, but I don't think I would be calling them up all the time asking them to hang out. I would still just sit wherever I was living and complain about not knowing anyone. So basically, it doesn't matter where I'm at, it just matters how I deal with the situation.
I miss how it was in college, if I was bored I would go to the apartment on either side of me to hang out. Granted they weren't the most perfect people (but who is), but they were my friends and they treated me like friends should be treated. I never cheated them and they respected the fact that I wasn't going to partake in everything that they did. All in all they were great guys, (besides the fact that they would steal my underwear...funny story).
I keep getting these urges to just pick up and leave...move somewhere. I don't know where, but somewhere not here. I mean, I love my job and I love my kids, but I'm at that point where I just don't know what to do at times. I'm hoping to be able to clear my head and get to some kind of reality by going on this trip. I'm just a little overwhelmed at the moment. Don't know why, but I am. (actually, I do know why, I'm just trying to get past some issues). Basically I just want to get excited about life and be happy like I was a few years ago. It's really hard for me to be truly happy and truly smile and mean it. You know what I mean?...Whatever. I'm out.
"You should know that I would never let you go.
I'm here to bear the weight of years.
You turn away what else is left for me to say?
you'll think what you want.
It's like we're once again at the first part.
It's safe to fall if you just trust the ground that you stand on.
I swear I would never let you down.
You should know sometimes it's hard for me
to show my fears but I'm never insincere.
Don't turn away from what you trusted yesterday.
I'm still that person that you can always depend on.
You live and learn but when I'm gone I won't return.
You don't have to feel that burn and
I'll know the time has come when you wake up alone and fine.
But truth is not just in the now"
-Midtown
About Me
- Becky
- Georgetown, Texas, United States
- I love my family, my friends and God. I am a worrier...I worry about everything, from my job to what I'm going to wear in the mornings. I love life, but I crave more. I could live off of Mashed Potatoes and Coca-Cola and enjoy the occassional balanced meal. I live by myself in a town that I had never been to before I moved to it. I work as a youth director at a Lutheran church. I am constantly craving more in my life...relationships, money, support, etc...but then realize that my life is already blessed in so many ways that I am truly happy with my life the way it is.
2 comments:
hey girl, I totally know what you mean. I was in that same funk a while ago. . .maybe some big changes are about to come your way. We'll have lots to talk about in a few days! :)
WOW!!! What Wisdom!!! I wish I was that wise at that age. Brinney, you are wise beyond your years.
Becky, don't worry about not knowing what you want to do with your life. If we knew that, many of our problems would be gone. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME! The Word tells us to be anxious for nothing. Yet throughout our lives we spend so much time trying to analyze things in our future that we miss the many blessings we have right now. I have a couple of emails I would love to send to you, but they are too large (due to pictures and music) to place on here.
Does it really matter how many people you know? Even you said, you wouldn't be calling your high school friends to hang out with. THAT, I can relate to. Most of my friends in High School were girls, and I wouldn't call them to hang out either. However, they all hold a place in my heart, as does anyone that comes into my life, no matter how long they stay.
From the comments left here, I'd say you have a place to be. God has placed you in the lives of at least one person, and apparently you made, or should I say make a difference there. However, there does come a time in our lives that we must move on. I'm sorry Brinney, but it's true. But we must know why we are moving. Picking up and going is not in itself wrong. What exactly would you be looking for? People you know? No matter where we are, we are still extremely hard to please. But again, moving on isn't always a bad idea, but for the right reasons. Those, you have to figure out for yourself. No one can tell you those things.
I hope you find what you are looking for. Have a great trip.
Brinney, If you read this, may your wisdom continue to grow. The Lord also has a plan for you, and from what I can tell you are placing your faith and trust in Him. Don't ever turn from him, no matter how hard it gets. He never told us it would be easy. But He did say it would be worth it. Take care of yourself.
God bless you All.
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