BEAUTIFUL LOVE

My best friend in the whole wide world just got married yesterday, and I must say that was one of the happiest/most fun weddings I have ever been to.
The day started early at about 9:30, we all met up at Barton Creek Mall to get our hair done. It was so much fun. Her friends from high school were there, her mom and grandma was there and some of Steve's relatives. It was just a great time hanging out. Plus we all left looking AMAZING. Not to brag, but we were beautiful.
Then we did lunch and got to the church at about 1:00 to start getting ready. Anyways...the service was beautiful. I actually got teary eyed and I had never cried at any of the wedding's I've been to. It was just an awesome awesome day. Becca and Steve are truly soul mates and when you actually get to see that in a couple it made the day that much better. They are so in love and so happy.

There was so much emotion throughout the day as well. So many hugs and kisses between the whole bridal party that it was just a great day of happiness. I went up to Steve at the reception and told him how happy I was for him and he just looked at me and said..."I am so happy right now." And it was just in the way he said it that I just wanted to cry because he was so deserving of this amazing woman that I have had the honor to call my friend for the past 15 years.

It was such a fun evening as well. They had three different kegs...all Shiner...which I'm not a big fan of. But they had the Shiner Blonde...so I stuck to that. I had enough to where I was ready to have fun. I DANCED the whole night. It was awesome...we just acted like fools out on the dance floor. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll have some awesome pictures.

I also got to meet up and hang out with some of my "camp" friends afterwards. We got some ice-cream at AMY's and it was fun. It was nice to do something like that instead of meeting up at a bar like we usually do. Anyways...it was so great and I just can't say enough good things about the couple and the day. The pictures will tell more of the story when I get those up though...so, be patient.

Being Brave

One of my goals for this year was to go to a restaurant by myself. I did that yesterday and I was so proud. Well...when I say restaurant, I mean something that is not fast food. I went to chili's. I sat at the bar, I ordered a beer and some nachos and hung out. I had pictured going there and striking up a conversation with whomever I was sitting next to, but that didn't really happen. I think I got there too early. Plus everyone there was with someone else so they were too caught up in that fact that they had someone to talk to rather than chit-chat with me.
But I'm really glad that I did that. Now I can do that more often. Well, not too much because that starts too add up. But I'm proud that I could get out of the apartment by myself and do something.

No, I didn't storm yesterday. Actually, it would have been a perfect day to go tubing. Instead I stayed indoors and got some work done. Which was also good because stuff needed to get worked on.

Today is my best friends rehearsal dinner. I got a call from her fiance last night saying that they just ran off about 200 programs and they misspelled my name. Granted I have a ridiculously hard name to spell, but I've known this girl for over 12 years and I know she knows how to spell my name. But oh well, at least they called me to warn me so that I wouldn't be shocked when I first saw it.

My friend Jenny, who is also a bridesmaid in the wedding, called yesterday to see if I would give her a ride to the rehearsal. So I'm going to do this. She got married this past December and is already 7 months pregnant. (I wonder what they did on their wedding night...) Anyways...it's just all hitting me (well, again) that all my friends are either getting married or having babies. And here I am...Not doing anything. Well yes, I do have a wonderful job and life...just no one to share it with. I know I need to cherish this time of singleness and enjoy my life...but you know...there's always that something in the back of your mind that just wants some more.

My Minds Rearranged

I can't believe how much I'm changing...I guess that's the right word.

I don't watch TV as much as I used to. I just get bored with it. Plus, I daydream while I watch and then I usually end up thinking about someone or something that I shouldn't be thinking of at all. So I'm trying super hard to keep myself occupied so that I don't get the feeling of loneliness like I used to. I don't know what I'm going to do when school starts back up again because then the office is going to be super dead and then I'll have all this time to just sit and Think.

The plan was to go tubing on the river in New Braunfels today, but the weather said it was going to storm...but as I look outside right now, it's looks sunny and beautiful. So now I'm just stuck in the office. Which isn't that bad, I do have work that I need to do. Not that I'm doing much about that now seeing as I'm spending more time on my blog and checking e-mails and what not.

Yesterday was a pretty hectic day as well. I met with my Youth committee council representative. We made a trip into Austin to a book store and got some Ice-cream at Marble Slab...Yum. Then we came back and worked on next years budget. I didn't like the office until about 7:00. That's a LONG time for me to still have been at work. But then I didn't have that much time to just sit around and be lonely, so it did have it's positive outcomes.

I leave for Key West in 7 days!!! Yea...
I'm still hoping that Matt will be a sweetheart and surprise me on my birthday. How awesome would that be. But I guess I won't even hold my breath on that one.

"i've learned to disappear and i've learned to hide my pain
in a fucked-up world where there's too much hate
i just don't get it is there something wrong with me?
if i look inside maybe then i'll see that

i'm looking for someone yeah
i'm looking for someone who feels like i do"
-Suicide Machines

Who Am I?

You know how people always make the comment about needing to 'find themselves'...I've also heard that you need to 'find yourself before you can "find" yourself with someone else'. I think that is where I am in my life right now. I always thought I knew who I was...but I'm beginning to wonder how much of me I really am. I find myself acting/dressing/responding differently when I'm with different people.

When I'm with my friends from high school, I find myself trying to look professional and nice and showing off that I've been out of college for a while and have a career.
When I'm with friends from college, I could care less what I look like. I let the other girls dress "pretty" and I show up in jeans and my all-stars, and usually a black shirt.
When I'm with my youth, I dress 'younger'...tank-tops, flip-flops, make-up.
And I also noticed that when Matt was down...I tried dressing more like a girl. (Nice shirts, skirts...all because some lady told me that guys like it when girls dress like girls and not like 'tom boys') That's not me, I don't want to change how I dress for someone.

I assume that everyone is like this, right? I always want to be the one that stands out, so I dress opposite of what I know my group of friends will dressed like.

How does someone "find" themselves? What does it take to be comfortable with yourself and really truly know the real you, so that you can find someone who you can actually be yourself around?

"I'm afloat in the ocean trying not to sink
I'm a crack in the asphalt you walk by in the street
I'm a falling star you'll never see
The light in your eyes the eye can't take
So Who am I?"
-New Found Glory

Trying to get rid of my film 

Playing on the Fire Truck!!! 

Hands Down

I've had a great couple of days. Yesterday after church I had lunch with the Davenport's. I just can't say enough great things about that couple...they are just wonderful people. After that scrumptious meal, I took myself to the movies. I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I really loved that movie growing up so I was very excited to see it. It was a little different from the first one, but still...GREAT. Then I did a little shopping afterwards. Something that I really didn't need to do. But I just can't help myself. I bought some red sheets for my bedroom. I got the Jersey sheets that feel like T-shirts...I don't like them. The pillow cases fit funny and they're a little warm. But they look great in my room. My room is red, black and white. Anyways...I wasn't too impressed with the t-shirt sheets. Maybe I just bought a bad brand.

Then I met up with some of my high school youth and we also went to the movies. This time we saw Batman Begins. I'm not into fantasy, but I really like all the Batman movies that I've seen. And this one just really makes sense of the other movies.

So then today I got to sleep in. YESSSS. After I finally got up and out of bed and took a shower and went and check out all the new shops in Georgetown. We are in the process of getting this great new outside mall and it's amazing. Not all the stores are open, but there are enough that are open...and again, I bought something at every store I went in to. I always complain about not having any money...Well, it's because I shop too much.

I leave for Key West in 11 Days!!! I'm super excited. I'm so ready for a vacation and get out of Texas for a while. I'm really distracted. I hate to say it, but I still really miss talking to Matt. I didn't realize how much fun I had getting to talk to him every day...I'm still a little depressed that I don't have anything to look forward to at the end of the day. I wish I could just let it go, but I'm having a super hard time with this. I'm such a picky person, and for me to have found someone that I felt comfortable talking with and actually liked is a big deal. I guess that's why it's hard for me to not miss him. Oh well...this will just make me stronger, Right?

Another Day

Well it's been a week, and it was a good one. I love going to camp, and I think I got more out of it this time than I did last time. It was nice to get away. Plus, I got to stay at my friend Jen's house instead of in a cabin, so that was nice. I didn't have to fight over a shower or anything like that.
I got to hang out with some old staff members too. Gary worked at camp while I was in high school and we both came as sponsors this week and got to hang out. It's weird to get to do that because I was always used to seeing him as this old guy that was in charge and now he's just a regular Joe that was fun to hang out with. I remember him dating one of the other staff members like 5 years ago when he worked there, and now they're going to be getting married in March. That's exciting.

I got to go to a wedding yesterday and I had to go by myself. Which I have done before, but I really didn't know anyone at this wedding. I knew about 5 guys from TLU, but they all came with their girlfriends, and so I didn't want to be "That girl" that hangs out with all the guys while the girlfriends talk about "why is that girl talking to them?". So, I left at about 9:00. At least I got out a little last night. I'm still pretty tired from the week though....

I do have lots more to say, but I'm a little distracted so I'll write laters.

Almost Over

Well, the firemen did an excellent job yesterday with the youth. They even helped me with one of my little girls that just passed out on us. It was a crazy day. Everything is taken care of though. None of them were really available, but that's OK. It would have just been nice to see someone cute and single.

There is a lot of construction going on upstair's right now for our new Youth Room. It is going to be awesome and huge. It is just a little annoying right now because they drop boards on the floor up there and it shakes my whole office and is really loud. But it will all be worth it.

If you are from the Georgetown area (Austin, Temple, wherever) you heard of the huge accident that happened yesterday afternoon spilling some kind of chemicals all over the interstate and putting traffic to a complete stand still for hours. It happened at 3:00 and was still busy when I left work at 8:30...Well, the church is right off of I35 and the wreck happened right behind the church. So a couple of us just sat on the grassy hill by the hiway and just watched the traffic and the clean-up. It was kind of neat. Then throughout the evening (luckily we were here because of a hot dog dinner) there were policemen and firemen coming in to use our facilities. We were kind of a part of it. Neat...right?!!

I've also been playing with the idea of going to Detroit for like a day or two. Just going to see Matt's opening show and then coming back. I would ask him about it, or something, but he didn't answer his phone last time I called and he hasn't called me back. I just think it would be fun to just show up at this bar, listen to his show, say hi and then leave. It would be fun, but expensive. Just to show him that I would go all the way up there to see a friend. I would like to support his band. Plus, I'd get to go to detroit. Although, I don't know if I could go to that city (let alone any other city that I've never been to) by myself. So, if I can't convince anyone to come, then I don't think it will happen. But it would be neat to see his show and then leave. Just make it a day trip...whatever.

Well, Day camp is just about to be over with and it was such a great week. Busy, but great. Then I leave on Sunday for a whole week to be at camp again with a couple fourth graders. It should be a good time. I get to stay with my friend Jennifer instead of staying on site at the camp. That should be fun. So, until next week...have a great day.

The Firemen Are Coming!!!

That's right, the Georgetown Firemen are coming to show the kiddo's their firetruck. I think I'm more excited than anyone else here...we have some pretty good looking fire fighters. I'm sure the ones that come today are going to be married and bald, but there's always a chance that we'll get one of the younger ones.

I've been hanging out with my high schoolers a lot this week, we only a few of them that are volunteering here at day camp. But I just have a blas hangin' with them. Sometimes I wish they were my age so that I could actually hang out with them outside of church. One of these days I'll make a friend in the area.

I took my day camp staff out to the Davenport's last night for some shish-ka-bobs. YUMMY!! I love going out their. They always have awesome food. Plus this amazing deck that we all get to just be on. I love sitting outside in the breeze. It takes me home. The longhorns all came up to the fence too and so we got to pet them. I'm still pretty scared of cows, I always have been and I don't know why.
I like going out their too because Mrs. Davenport desperately want me to marry her son. And I definitely would in a heartbeat, but we barely hang out as it is. Plus, one of my best friends is trying to set him up with her cousin...how rude. Anways, he is an amazing person. Good christian, in a band, and just a genuinely nice guy. Not many of those around...Anyways.

I leave for camp on Sunday and I'll be gone for a whole week. Hopefully I'll get a little spiritual rejuvination from that, because that is something that I need.

Rock On

Well this week has just been fantastic. Day Camp is just running itself, I pop up whenever I feel like it, and I've gotten to hang out with some pretty awesome people. The staff they sent me is amazing, just full of energy, excitement and a love for the Lord. I don't have to worry about anything.

Last night was the Alkaline Trio concert and it was great. First I had dinner with my friend (actually he's one of my brothers best friends from high school) Jared at Shady Grove, Great Food, before we went to the show. We got to the show at about 9:30...it started at 8:00, but it was all general admission and we didn't want to have to stand for that long. Alkaline Trio went on about 25 minutes later, so it was perfect. It was inside, so it was was a bit hot. Live shows are just so much better than the radio or CD's. Although I'm a weiney sometimes and it got a little loud for me at times but it was so great. I couldn't have had a better time...oh wait...it gets better.

It was definitely hot inside this place, and I started to feel a little lightheaded. So I started to walk outside with my friend Jared and the next thing I know...I wake up on the groud with all these guys around me pouring water on my face. That was the scariest thing EVER. I just blacked out. I remember losing my hearing and then black clouds rolling in and then I lost all feeling in my arms and legs and apparently just fell on the ground. Now that was weird. Hopefully that is the only time that will happen. It's weird though because had been drinking water like crazy. I don't know...
But I do know that I really do not like being the center of attention, especially when it's unintentional like this. I can do something silly for a laugh, but I don't like when people focus on me when it wasn't planned. I went to the bathroom before I left and there were girls in there who as soon as I walked in were like..."are you ok?"..."yea, that's the girl that passed out." HELLO, I'm right here, you don't have to talk like that while I'm right there...Aaaaaauuuu.
So I still feel a little OFF today, but hopefully that will fade.

Today is Water Day with the little ones!!! (I hate water)

"Intending to burn, pretending to fight it
Everyone learns faster on fire
Things took a turn, lost all desire
You live and you burn
You live and you burn"
-Alkaline Trio

Me "working" at Day Camp 

Becca and I at her wedding shower 

Amber and I laying on the "grassy knoll" 

With my girls at a baseball game...yup, it's work. 

Sweetness

I just had lunch with the cutest 8 year old.

We were talking about how old I am. Apparently to kids that age, I look like I'm 30.
They also asked if I was married or had a boyfriend. I said No.

Evan then says: "You don't need a boyfriend. They're just a handful of trouble."

How sweet was that. So I asked him if he has a girlfriend, He does. So I asked if he was a 'handful of trouble' to her. His response was:
"Why would be trouble to someone so cute."

Now this kid is amazing. I told him that he needs to talk to some of my guy friends. Kids thinking is awesome, they just say what they know. So innocent.
Awwww to be 8 again.

Where am I?

Sometimes I don't know where one day ends and the next begins. Except for the time that I actually get to sleep in between.

This weekend was great. I got to hang out with my good friend Brad almost all day on Saturday. He is leaving for the Peace Corps for 27 months in September. What a dedication. I don't think I could ever do that. I really admire that about him. He's just a fun guy to hang out with. We had some lunch together and then walked around downtown Austin for hours on Saturday. I had never really taken the time to do that before. There is some neat stuff down there. We went to one of the museums on campus and I got to see an original Guttenburg. How Amazing is that. That Bible is like 500 years old. It was so awesome to see. I was definitely impressed.

My best friend had a wedding shower in Floresville on Sunday. So after church I rushed home for that, and then I had to rush back here that afternoon to be at the church to meet my Camp Staff that is here for the week working with my Kinder-5th graders.
It was definitely a long day on Sunday, but well worth it. I love that girl, Becca. She's an awesome gal.

Auuuugh, it's just going to be a busy week. Hope I don't go too crazy.

Crazy

I had a crazy time last night. I met up with some friends on 6th street, but I know I have some youth that read my blog, therefore, I cannot write what I would like to write....

But all in all it was a great evening, it's nice to get out of the apartment every now and then...

Lot's to say, but I'm off to a Round Rock Express game....

I have a busy weekend ahead of me, so I'll fill you all in on Monday!!!

Yes, I am working...just at the Georgetown "Beach" 

Hanging out with Maggie 

Melissa and I at her wedding shower!! 

I LOVE my Job

I couldn't have asked for a better job or even a better congregation to be working at. I'm beginning to get super close with my High School youth which is awesome. Although a little more time consuming.

A couple days ago we just all met up for a long lunch and some shopping. (yes that is part of my job). Then yesterday I had to do some major Snack shopping for our Day Camp, so I had a couple of them come shopping with me to help push the carts and carry stuff. Then that afternoon we all met up at the beach in Georgetown. How fun!!! I love that my job is to just have fun with these awesome children of God. They're amazing people. Ever since their trip to Missouri that we took, they want to hang out with each other all the time. I sure hope this last once school begins.
But anyways....I love that I can just come and go as I please. I think I laid out for a couple hours yesterday as all the kiddo's swam. It was just a great day.

Plus, Lauren and I got to hang out. That's always good times. We just sat outside at this bar on 6th street and talked. It's just great getting to be with friends that are my age.

More good news. I got an e-mail from Matt yesterday. That really just made my day, I needed that. I really don't have a problem (yea, i say that now) with not being in a quasi-relationship with him. I just hate not being friends with someone. I just can't drop a person that I have known and never end up talking to them again. I had that done to me in college and it still bothers me. I just can't say, "OK, I'll never talk to you again". I can be phased out, that's better than just....OK, peace out, let's not talk again. You know what I mean.
Also...Matt is going to be in Miami the same time that Lauren and I are taking our trip to Key West. How fun would that be for him to come and hang out with us as we celebrate my birthday down there. That would be AWESOME.

So there, life is getting back to where it should be. Back to some sort of normality. I don't know...I still long for something in my life. Maybe I'm just not really ready for it. Smiles are to come. The next few weeks should be pretty busy for me too, so that'll be good for the soul.

"I don't believe in anything
But I believe in you
I never trusted anyone
But somehow I trust you
And if I fall away, someday you might find me
If I fall away, someday..."
-Midtown

Best of Me

I was pretty bored yesterday and I just can't sit at my apartment anymore. When I'm alone, my mind wanders too much and I think I would have just spun into another depression. Well, I ended up going to one of my high school girls house to watch a movie. We watched "Raise Your Voice". Now, just for the record, I really would have never watched that movie, but it's fun to watch silly teen-girl movies every now and then.

OK so this movie has Hillary Duff in it. That right off should tell you how cheezy it is. Here is the story line. She's like 16 and sweet and inhocent. She goes to a music school where of course she is greeted by a good-looking guy (just how real life works). Well, he has the "bad boy" image because he spikes his hair. He falls for her because she's "good" (because as we know, all bad boys want a good girl, and all good girls want a bad boy). OK. Yada-yada-yada....they're just meant to be. AT SIXTEEN...give me a break. I'm sure they'll have their little fling and he'll find a floozy and life will then be how it should be. At least I wasn't sitting home alone.


"we turn our music down
and we whisper
say what your thinking right now
tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up"
-The Starting Line

I Think, Therefore....?

I have come up with another conclusion about my silly 'depressed' feelings about Matt. (I promise I'll try real hard to stop making every entry about him).
My ideal person that I have always thought I would end up with would be in a rock band, which Matt is. He would be Lutheran, Matt is. He would have dark shaggy hair, Matt does. He would be over 6 feet tall, Matt is. He would be a 'tough' guy but super sweet, Matt is.

I think I was just getting excited that I was finding someone that I had always been thinking of finding. If only it would have been the same for him.

Independence Day

I really like coming home for a couple days to see the family. But it's different from when I grew up here. Now we're coming in from all different directions, and some are still living here. It's great. We don't ever do much. But we did have dinner together, all 6 of us around the table again. I also taught my family this card game called "mow" where you can't tell anyone the rules. It was so fun to sit around the table and play a game together. We used to have family game nights alot growing up. So this was a nice little reunion.

We going to my cousins house in a little while to throw a surprise birthday party for my aunt. It'll be nice to see that side of the family again. I don't see them as much as I do my moms side of the family. Beer and Bar-b-q, it'll be a nice time. Well...there'll be more to say later. Peace Out.

Why Won't it Go Away?

Apparently I really liked Matt. Or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic that just thought it would have been a great story to tell my grandkids. I don't know. But still, every morning when I wake up and right before I go to sleep, I'm still thinking of Matt. WHY IS THAT? Maybe it was just nice to have someone to talk to, but you know, I have people to talk to.

But then I look at the situation and I'm like...Becky, he's 1500 miles away, if he was really interested he would have made more of an effort and you made a great friend out of whole thing. So I really should just drop the "I'm so sad" act. It just sucks.

I talked to some of my old buddies from TLU which was awesome. My friend Ross (he used to live next door to me) is working this summer in Virginia. I think it's good for him, he just got out of this ridiculous relationship that was always so rocky. I don't want to say anything bad about it because I love him and his ex. I also got to talk to Dube (also an old neighbor) and he is making a career change which I think is very good on his part. I get excited when I talk to them because I am so opposite from both of them, yet we get along so great. I'm the girl that doesn't drink a lot and I go to church and they were basically bums (but not in a bad way) and drank A LOT and didn't always make it to class, but we had a great friendship. They respected me and my choices and they came to me when they had a problem. It was just...nice. Anyways...

I'm about to head home in a bit, I'll go to church and then get on the road. I was actually just about home last night, I went to San Antonio with some friends. We had like a mini high school reunion. There was about 15 of us, and we were still missing some of the "group". It's weird now to see them all in a big group. Some of them are married, most engaged, long committed relationships, and then there was me. Yes, it does kind of make me feel shitty. But whatever, I don't want to be married right now anyways. It just stinks knowing that they have already found their 'someone'. I know, my day will come. But sometimes I'm impatient.