Sometims I wish I could trade places with someone else. Just to be somewhere different, do something different, and be someone different. I HATE when people stereotype me and just assume they know who I am. I guess I'm just as guilty, but I feel I at least give people a chance. It really gets to me sometimes...like I have this huge label across my forehead and when people read it, they stear clear of me. It hurts, and it sucks and most of the time I can't do anything about it. I'm terrified that no one will ever see me for who I really am. The feeling comes and goes but when it hits...it's gut wrenching.
I had dinner with an old friend the other day, someone that I don't really ever "hang out" with, but he was in town, so I did. He just got married this past May and I was asking how that was going. His response..."We don't really have anything in common, but she's real cool." Nothing in Common??!! Real Cool!!! Not a "man I really love her" or "it's just great"...it was a little depressing to hear.
Why would you even consider marrying someone you have nothing in common with? To me, he's just settling. I know he's in his 30's and was probably just thinking this was the next logical step to take...but that stinks. I don't want to have to "settle" for someone. That's just sad-but at the rate I'm going-there's a possibility that it could happen. But I'm going to do my best for that not to happen.
Where to go now? Life is just very distracting right now, I have a hard time concentrating and focusing on certain tasks. I can't figure out what's distracting me-but there's something there. I don't know how to put my finger on it, I just wish I could so that I can get in to a more of a routine where I can actually "live". Wouldn't that be Awesome? I guess if I had the will power I could just switch things on and off, but I just don't have the strength. I can see myself being ridiculous, but how do I fix things without help. If I just had the strength and will power to change my attitude things would be so different....better.
Had a good talk with Lauren last night. Goodness, I miss that girl. She's the only girl I know that I'm so comfortable to tell things to. There's no judgement in her tone...just friendliness. It sucks that she's so far away...but at least we're still as close as if she was still here!
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yeah, i hear ya. that's totally why i'm not married now. twice. i finally just had to say, "i am purposefully not looking for any of that right now," just so i could focus on getting my life in order.
for the most part it's worked, but i've had a few friends to help me out, so that made it better.
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