I don't know how to explain it, the feeling just comes and goes. My first year of being on my own was awesome. I was strong and independent and didn't let things get to me. Boy has that changed. I still consider myself to be a very strong person-I have to, I'm on my own. But there are just days where I feel completely alone. Maybe it just has something to do with being a girl. We always need that sense of security, to know that we're wanted or supported (I don't really know what it is).
I grew up with three brothers and so I've always had many guy friends. Even in college, most of my friends were guys. Which was great, I never had to impress them. There wasn't the intimidation factor and so there was no competition like there is when you're friends with girls. Well this past week at the youth gathering that I helped plan I got to hang out with my old boss. Now we're friends because we're colleagues, and every summer I get to see him at camp and hang out with other former staff. Girls don't really get in on this group for reasons I won't get in to.
Well last week we got to play poker (which is something they usually do anyways). Something came up about playing a certain poker game in the future and I asked if I would get to be a part of it because it's usually a guy thing, and my friend says: "Of course, you're one of the guys".
For being such simple words, they kind of hurt. Why am I always just "one of the guys"? Sometimes it would be nice to be a "Girl" and treated like one.
But back to my lonely story, Last night was just one of those "lonely feeling" nights. I think it's more of a personal thing that needs dealing with because I had stuff I could have been doing-but it's also one of those things where I needed to be alone.
I would just sit on my couch thinking-I need to get out and meet people and so something with my social life, or get a Hobby. Something. But Austin is a little far to go sometimes because there's no social scenes in my area.
So if there are any offers or suggestions to get me out....lay 'em on me.
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7 comments:
Ugh, "one of the guys." Of course he meant that in a nice way, but I know it kinda hurts.
Sometimes when I lived alone, going for a run or walk around my neighborhood was just what I needed. Afterwards, I didn't really feel like I needed to get out. Other times, I still felt lonely at home by myself and didn't know what to do. I know I can't really talk anymore because now I have roommates, but I was alone for a good year and a half and had to figure out ways to escape the loneliness, too. I went to see some movies by myself and I actually really enjoyed that. Or I would go to Barnes & Noble, find a book, sit down somewhere, and read for a while. Little things like that got me out of my apartment and out in the world for a little while. I don't know if that helps at all. . .I know it's rough.
I think you should meet up with a certain somebody from MySpace if you ask me. . . ;) Let him take you out on the town. Though we both know we don't need guys to do that for us. . .but whatev--it's fun.
You know, Twinks, I had a very similar night last night. And what I've found is, sitting at home sulking only makes it worse. Whenever I do that, the walls start closing in really fast.
Get out of your apartment. It doesn't matter where you go, just go nowhere, but leave home for a while.
So I got in the car, and just drove. I pretty much drove to the other end of town and back. On the way home I stopped at the grocery store, but I managed to kill an hour and really improve my mood. Then I came home and made a cup of hot chocolate and read a book.
Then I called Laurey Baby. She's good fer what ails ya!
I don't know you. Isn't that kind of creepy when you realize strangers are reading your personal thoughts? I guess it's what happens with an online blog, though.
I read the blogs Lauren has links to on her page from time to time, when I'm sitting in this damn cubicle with nothing to do. I thought I'd leave a comment: Staying in isn't always bad, but you should do something with your time. I've found TV is the worst when I'm in a mood like you've described. If you don't already, you should try writing for fun. Not in a blog, necessarily, but a poem or short story. It's good therapy. Also, painting is great! Grab some cheap canvas or paper and some acrylics. Wine helps to get the creative juices flowing.
I feel like I've done everything that was suggested. I've spent so much money on gas just driving around and also at stores. There isn't much to do in Georgetown besides go to Wal Mart or Target or Best Buy, and I don't have much control when it comes to spending money. Uggg...
I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining, just getting stuff off my chest.
Oh, I completely forgot! I don't know if you do this already, but I've recently decided that exercising is extremely important.
I know we've all been told this by everyone our whole lives, but I never realized just how important it is to my mental health until I wasn't doing it regularly. I think adults should be required to have recess everyday. Seriously, I absolutely hate boring grown-up in the gym exercise, but it really does release those yummy endorphins that make you feel good, and this is especially true for girls. Or women. I guess we're women.
Leslie, you are totally right about this. I'm a proponent for grown-up recess, too!
I agree, I really need to get out in the fresh air more. I get a little scared going by myself at times. I used to go out walking by myself all the time...but I'm always thinking of friends of friends that have been "abducted". So my walking is in stores or something like that.
And I'm not going to pay a gym for me to work out. That's ridiculous. I'll do that for free somehow.
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