Life in General

When people ask me where I see myself in 5 or 10 years, the first thing that comes to my mind is "HAPPY". It's not that I'm not happy right now with my life...it's just that I feel I could be happier at times. I pray by the time I'm 29 or 30 I'm hoping to be married. I've noticed that girls future always seem to revolve around being married and starting a family. I wonder why that is...and boys seem to think about their job and success when it comes to the future. Why don't I think of my future in terms of my job? I love my job, I really do, but I don't see myself doing this forever. I don't see myself going "forward" in this field with a higher position. So I'm content. I see my future as being a mother and raising a family and then seeing where my place is. I know for a fact that I am NO WHERE near being ready to be married and definitely don't want children any time soon...I just wish I knew for certain that it was somewhere in my future. Just to know that it will happen.

I'm also not much of a "dater". I'm not one of those girls that dates guys just so that I don't have to be alone. I'm very independent, And I'm very proud of myself for that. But sometimes I feel like I"m missing out on something by not seeing what's out there. I'm very picky when it comes to who I share things with and so if I've shared any sort of personal feelings or emotions with you, consider yourself lucky because I don't "waste" my time on just anyone. It takes a lot to get even questions or thoughts of feelings out of me. I'm a very "to myself" type of person and don't just go around opening up to everyone I come into contact with.

I don't know if it's because I have three brothers and so I'm used to being surrounded by guys...but never to actually open up to them about what's going on in my head. And that makes me scared to be in an emotional relationship with any guy, because I know my bro's are sometimes a little to over baring. (I have had brother's tell guys to not to call me anymore just because they didn't like them). But they've definitely gotten better when it comes to me discussing boys with them...whatever.

I guess I just feel like sometimes I'm running out of steam. I mean, I've lived in this same town for over two years and I feel like I haven't really experienced all the things I should have being the age I am and being single. I hope I haven't missed out on anything. I also just don't' want to be that girl that's always alone...sometimes I'm scared that that is where my life is leading me because I've gotten so used to living alone and doing everything on my own. And at the same time I like knowing that I don't have to rely on anyone to survive. I can take care of myself.

I guess, also, I'm just going through a confusing time in my life. As much as I love the independence, life sometimes gets lonely. Especially when friends are so far away. Even though Lauren is in South Carolina we still stay updated regularly on each others lives and are still just as close as we were before she left. Which gives me strength/faith/confidence that even though people are hundreds of miles away they can still last/work/survive. I love that girl so much and don't know what I would do without her. She definitely is one of the Rocks in my life and she gets tons of Gold Stars for that.

I guess my point is that life is confusing and full of unknowns and always will be. That's the beauty of it...its full of surprises and we never know what will happen next in our journey through life. All we can do is trust that God has this amazing plan for us and enjoy every day we have, cherish our friends and family and always tell people how you feel about them because we never know what's going to happen.

So to all my friends out there, I love you, and wish nothing but happiness for you and pray that God blesses your every thought and actions and give you peace of mind.