I had dinner with my Bible Study leader and her family last night. That was nice to just be in a home and hang out with someone. This is going to be a stressful couple days ahead of me. I'm on a planning team for a high school gathering at the end of December and for some reason whenever we meet it takes about 3 or 4 hours. I HATE it. Mostly because I didn't really volunteer to do anything...people just ASSUMED that I would help. So we have a big meeting Thursday night, which makes me mad because I wanted to go to a Bible Study. Hopefully, I'll still go, I'll just be super late. Then we have another one on Friday night. Who plans meetings on Friday nights? I had plans to go home friday afternoon, but now I have to wait until about 5:00 for the meeting which could quite possibly last a couple hours, before I leave. Whatever.
Life just makes me want to scream right now....
I could quite possibly be the most ridiculous girl in the world. Why do I still have these ridiculously strong feelings for someone that is so far away and doesn't even try to make any kind of contact with me. How can someone be attracted to someone like that? Seriously? Is it just my sick way of torchering myself? I mean come on...It's been like over three months since I've even talked to this guy, but in all seriousness, he still pops into my mind daily. Why am I putting myself through this. I have my good days...but I guess today is just a bad day. I'm better than this. I think of him and I think of all the wonderful and sweet things he did for me, but that's all I focus on. I keep looking past the fact that he doesn't care....
I guess all the emotions are coming back because I know what Chris is going through. But come on. At least I still keep a friendship with him and talk about what's going on and what's going to happen. Shit, Matt just dropped me like a bag of shit. I need to just quit being a girl and move on. So why is it so hard for me? I don't know.
"Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you"
-The All American Rejects
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1 comment:
of course you keep thinking about the good things that happened. . .that's what we do best because we "block out" the yucky stuff. I'll see you thursday, girl. Love ya.
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