Sometimes I just get so confused about all sorts of stuff. Stuff that should be confusing, stuff that should be easy. I was talking with Chris last night for a long time and we were discussing our "situation" that we are in. We've only been talking for a couple of weeks and spend two full days together and already he's telling me he has these feelings for me. In my mind I'm thinking "What?...we haven't even known each other that long, how can you feel this way already?" But then I think...that's exactly how it was when Matt came down. I fell head over heels when I first saw him at the airport and have had a very difficult time with him not wanting anything to do with me right now.
Weird how stuff like that happens. It's the same situation, but turned around. I mean, I do like Chris, we had a great time together when I was in Sturgeon Bay. But I'm trying to be realistic about the situation. I don't want to put myself through any of this again, with the whole long distance. Because I know reality says that nothing can come of this that can lead to a future together. I won't move to Wisconsin and he won't move to Texas...so it's fun for now, but why put ourselves through whole ordeal of "feelings" when we could be finding someone closer to us. And now I'm thinking...I would have dropped everything and moved to Detroit if Matt would have asked me to. Why is that? I guess I was just infatuated with the idea.
I'm thinking once I find that "ONE" person, it won't be this hard. Things will just work out and I won't have to question anything about what I'm feeling. Things will just be right. Right? Of course.
I guess I just need to live right now and do my job because this is my place right now. Working in Georgetown at this awesome church and just being BECKY for now. My day will come...
"I lift my eyes up, unto the moutains
where does my help come from?
My help comes from You, maker of heaven
creator of the earth
oh how I need you Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
so I will wait for You
to come and rescue me
to come and give me life"
-Kutless
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2 comments:
I sure hope it is that easy. I don't want to be confused when the right person comes along. I think this confusion is shared by everyone...
Ouch! I agree. It does sound a lot like the Matt situation. You know the feelings that put you through better than anyone else. Were you expecting this to be different? The main difference that I see (of course I could be wrong) is that the shoes are on the other person now. I mean. YOU travelled all the way to Wisconsin, Right? Why? Were you having different thoughts at the time, or did you already know that you were not willing to move there? It sounds like that is what Matt did to you. I don't think he ever really planned on continuing the relationship. However, he did continue to toy with your heart and emotions. Be careful not to do that with Chris. I hope everything works out for you. Hope to hear from you soon.
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