Life or Something Like it

I have recently found out, maybe not found, but actually caught myself complaining so much. Yes, I have always been known as someone who complained about anything and everything, but I've been letting it spill over into my everyday life and I need to quit that.

Everytime someone asks me: How I'm doing or How's the job or How's Georgetown. . . I don't have the usually: "I'm Fine" "Work is good" "Georgetown is great".

I actually tell them what I'm thinking. I have so much great things going in my life right now, but for some reason I've had this pesimistic attitude take over me. I tell people that I'm not doing that good and that the job is stressing me out. I think my main problem is not having anyone to share things with. Yes I have friends, but not like when I was in college.

I have one great friend here in Georgetown and I love hanging out with him, but I've been here almost two years and have only made one friend. That seems a little off. And it's taken that whole year to actually get comfortable enough with this person to where we can just hang out and it not be weird.
I have made plenty of internet friends...but it's so much easier having a relationship with a screen than to go out and be bold and meet people. Who knew? I have daily conversations with a few people on the internet, to where I share a little...but it's a little different than having them here in my face.

I think I'm just draining myself emotionally and physically and spiritual because I worry about that ALL the time. I don't fill myself up when I get the chance.

I have a short talk with my mom yesterday and it's great to know that someone else know's what's going on in my life. I'm a listener, that's what I do. I listen to my youth when they have something on their mind, but I don't get to really share my life with them...that's considered 'crossing the line'. I do share stuff with them...but not the personal stuff that you need an actual peer for. And even though my mom know's my struggles, there really isn't much she can do for me. I just have to be strong and live, live for God and do my job. She reassures me that she too went through all of this. Living alone, struggling, not feeling up to par all of the time. It's just part of Life and your growing process.
Sometimes it just makes me hurt. Literally. I have had these awful back pains ever since high school. They come and go, but they've come back. I think I'm just stressed too much, it makes my body hurt so bad. Just sitting right now is killing my back. Funny how little things can take an effect on your body.

I'm hoping this trip to Tennesse in a couple weeks will do some good. I know it's work, but just a change of scenery can sometimes do so much.