Who are we really? Are we who we are behind closed doors? Are we who we are in front of friends, relatives, coworkers? I think we all have many faces, and we wear them around certain people and during certain circumstances.
Around my friends I am a very independent person. Strong-willed and I know what I want. Mostly I'm just all talk. I talk like I'm a Bad-Ass, when really I'm as weak as a kitten. I'm very strong when I need to be. I'm also very sensitive around them I can show them my emotions and am always happy when with friends.
When I'm around my family - I show all my faces. I'm very vulnerable when with them. I'm not scared to cry about my life to them or share my deepest problems. I'm so comfortable and feel so safe around my family that I can share just about every emotion.
I had a conversation with a friend a while back and he told me that hanging out with me is completely different than his perception of me when I write in this blog. When I'm alone, I am a very sad person, I have my reasons and I know why I'm sad - I've just always cried easily. He said he would never have suspected that because I act very strong and stable around him - and around everyone else.
Does that mean there are two different me's? Maybe there's really 10 or 15 me's. We all act differently in different situations. I guess it's just how we handle ourselves that make us who we really are.
As long as we have our convictions. I am one person. I am one person who loves her family and friends and wants the best for them. I am one person who wants to be a certain way for certain people so that I can know they only see...the best of me.
I only want people to see me as a stong woman who can survive on her own and doesn't need to see the vulnerable and scared side of her.
"You say hello,
inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight,
in my mind I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart,
And I don't know."
-Butch Walker
About Me
- Becky
- Georgetown, Texas, United States
- I love my family, my friends and God. I am a worrier...I worry about everything, from my job to what I'm going to wear in the mornings. I love life, but I crave more. I could live off of Mashed Potatoes and Coca-Cola and enjoy the occassional balanced meal. I live by myself in a town that I had never been to before I moved to it. I work as a youth director at a Lutheran church. I am constantly craving more in my life...relationships, money, support, etc...but then realize that my life is already blessed in so many ways that I am truly happy with my life the way it is.
3 comments:
This entry reminded me of that song by Foo Fighters, "Is someone getting the best of you?" Hmmm. . .interesting stuff to think about. Love ya!
Hi...
I've been reading your blog, but I started to feel a little creepy just reading without you knowing about it, so sorry if it's a little personal, but this entry made me think some. It reminded me of myself, actually.
I heard a great quote somewhere once, it was "We are only who we truly are when no one else is around." Or something to that general effect.
But I think there's a lot of truth to that.
It's pretty common to hide your vulnerabilities around people. I know, because I'm secretly really sensitive, and I also know that if people know what your vulnerabilities are, they will take advantage of them. So I put on and act a lot.
I think you are who you are behind closed doors, first and foremost. Because that's who you are most comfortable being, and you're being that person for yourself, without trying to impress others or any other distractions.
Of course, the person you are around others is important too. For me, that person reflects who I want to be probably more than who I really am. But that's important too. Everyone has things they'd like to change about themselves. Knowing who you want to be, and then trying to be that person, is extremely helpful in your own spiritual fulfillment (or whathaveyou.)
You said some interesting things in another one of your posts, so I'll probably comment there too, if you're interested (it's ok if you're not, I realize I'm just "some random guy" and I don't want to seem like a creep).
First I'd like to say it's been a while, and I missed commenting. I hope you noticed. :)=)
We DO have many faces. However, they shouldn't be THAT different from each other. You asked, "Are we who we are in front of friends, relatives, coworkers?" The answer is, Yes. You asked, "Are we who we are behind closed doors?" Again, the answer is, Yes. We are all of these. The many faces we possess are ours. Why so many faces then? Well, there are some people that just bring out different sides of us, both good and bad. I have to disagree a little with Rob on 1 point. (Though I agree on many others.) When we are around others, our different faces appear, but that may have no relation to whether we are trying to impress them. Certain people just cause different feelings inside of us. Think of us as flowers. (This may be a bit corny, but...) Think about it. A rose can be a small blossom, but when you place it in the sun (certain friends) it opens up in many cases. It is still the same rose, but it looks quite different. In the same manner, some roses when exposed to heat (other than the sun) or even cold temperatures, their fragrance can increase tremendously.
They say, that those who appear strong are usually the weaker ones. Those who are always trying to take care of others really need someone to help care for them. I know there are exceptions to every rule. Maybe this is one of them, but after reading further in your post, I don't personally think so. You seem pretty fragile from what I have read in the past. Please don't take that the wrong way. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Some of the most valuable artifacts are extremely fragile. Your value should never be measured by your strengths or weaknesses.
I am a bit confused about your last comment. You only want people to see you as a strong self-surviving woman. Is that you? If it is you, then people will see that. If you are vulnerable and scared, at times, people will see that. Just remember, you have different sides, different faces, different moods, That is one of the joys of being alive, we can change. A block of wood is never different. Because we have life, we have differences. And differences are good.
Well, I have wasted enough of everyone's time. As always, I hope to hear from you soon.
With love.
Richard.
Good comments everyone.
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