If I could somehow keep all my memories locked up somewhere so that they would never leave, I would. I have so many little 'trinkets', if you will, of small but important/interesting moments in my life. I have my grafiti shirt from a party in college that has quotes that my friends and I would say to each other.
I have a rose made out of a napkin that a "friend" gave me when I transfered to TLU.
I have a beanie that I took from a friend at a high school party.
And you know what's gross...I have a bottle of milk in my fridge that I bought in May that I haven't had the heart to throw out because it reminds me of someone...YUCK.
I even have the posty note on my kitchen table that told me that day and time of when Matt was coming in to visit me. May 26, 4:20.
There's more little things that I keep that remind me of certain occassions.
What makes people do that? I hate having these little "triggers". They usually take me to a "happier" place in my life. But at the same time it makes me sad because it reminds me of how things "used" to be. I realize that life isn't always going to be Rainbows and Sunshine, but why not just enjoy what I have now. I shouldn't let the past happy memories make me unhappy- I should just be happy that they happened. Then make more happy memories. Sometimes that's easier said than done...but it shouldn't be. I should just clean out my place and rid myself of: An empty package envelope that's sitting behind my couch, the milk bottle in my fridge, a shot glass from Houston, an old email that I keep in my pillow case.
This email used to always put a smile on my face. It was this great email about how just thinking about me would put a smile on this person's face. And hot it's nice to share things with someone else, or little things people like about me. An ameail that made me so happy and wanted...and now just makes me sad when I read it...yet I just can't throw it out. What's wrong with me? I just liked knowing someone had these great thoughts about me. But really, I only liked knowing that this certain person had these thoughts. It sometimes creeps me out when other people talk like that to me. ( I guess it's my self-esteem issues). But this guy was just different...
Aaaaahhhh, get off the subject Becky....
So I had an awesome weekend. My oldest brother came into Austin to visit some of his friends from high school. I got to tag along. Yea...I love those guys. It was me and about 6 guys and we all went to 6th street. It was great. Just hanging out and talking. One of his friends, who is married and has two childresn is about to get deployed in two weeks. So it was kind of a "last Hoo-Raw" for all of them. And as I was leaving and giving this guy a hug...He kept saying, "this will probably be the last time I see you." Now that is a statement that you don't want to hear, even if it is true. It's really a sad way to end things. Put's a damper on situations. I'll just pray for his safety to come home to his young family.
"It's the little things that make us who we are"
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5 comments:
You and I are peas in a pod, my friend. I love remmebering and reminiscing. I pay attention to everything because I know one day all I'm going to have left are my memories. Sometimes I get really sentimental, and it makes me sad. I wonder whay I kpet some of the things I did.
But then, there are things like THIS:
http://www.tt3.org/pics/6.jpg
that have memories behind them but are still cool as hell even without the memories, wouldn't you say? It's a bittersweet feeling, to be sure.
In my senior yearbook of high school, a girl wrote, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened!"
And I knew she was trying to be inspiring and to lift my spirits at kind of a sad time, but once in a while, I read that quote, and I can't help but think, "That may be the dumbest I've ever heard."
I think I was that girl...I have told so many "sad" people the same thing. "Don't cry because it's over, smily because it happened."
We should smile because it happened and enjoy the fact that we got to experience it. Yes, it's sad when it's over...but life goes on.
Maybe we just have more emotions and feelings than other people.
Bex,
I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound as jerk-y as it does now that I read it again. Let me re-phrase.
If it never happened in the first place, you wouldn't be sad right now. Sadness can be a good thing, when appropriate. If you don't take the time to feel sad, how can you really appreciate the happiness? And if it was a wonderful thing that you loved, and it made you happy, well then, maybe it was worth feeling a little sad over, you know?
How horrible would life be if you lived the whole thing and never experienced something worth crying over??
I say, sure, wmile because it happened? But also, cry when it's over. It doesn't do to dwell on things needlessly. But what's worse, a little bit of sad reflection, or forgetting that it ever happened in the first place?
BTW-- did you see the link in by other comment? My sign? Pretty cool, huh? Huuuuuuuhh??
Dustin
I know I'm hung up on this and it bother's me that I can't let it go. It seriously does...But, this was all new to me. I grew up with three brothers, so I did NOT date in high school because, in a way, they wouldn't let me.
Then in college...college guys are jerks. I know not all of them are, but most of them. So I never really let myself "fall" for one of them in fear of getting hurt.
But when Matt came along, he wasn't like them and so I opened myself up to him and what he had to offer. I do NOT do that very often. I like being open and honest with someone and sharing my thoughts with. I don't do that very easily.
Matt made it easy for me. Yes, he did just disappear, but he was someone special to me. So it's hard to just push something/someone like that out of my life.
I try, every day I try, but I think until I can find someone else that makes me feel that way, it's going to be difficult for me.
It pisses me off that I'm being such a girl about it, because I was that girl that always made fun of those girls that did that. I know better than to put myself through this...
But, I live by myself in a town that I've only lived in for a while. I come home to an empy apartment. It's hard to get your mind off stuff like that when there's nothing to take your mind off of it...
Rob,
Yes, I saw the sign. It was to cool for words.
And I didn't think you were sounding jerky about the quote. But you're right...a little sadness is ok...then the happier moments are that more special.
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