What am I so afraid of?

It's Wednesday. Wednesday. Matt hasn't calle me since Friday. That is such a long time to not hear from him. We went from talking daily to just well...whenever we have time. I liked how it used to be when we made time in our days to talk to each other. But ever since we got to hang out, we don't talk like we used to. As a girl I worry about stuff like that. I hate to be that person that is clingy and annoying, but it's kind of freakin' me out.
I called him so many times while I was in Missouri, and each time there was no answer and I had to leave a message. That gets kind of old and then the questions start to flow: why isn't he answering? does he not want to talk to me? is he trying to fade me out?. . .

I hate being that person. It always drove me crazy to see these needy girls being ridiculous over a guy. But I'm getting to the point where I need to know what is going on in his head. I really like him and I think about him a lot, but I don't want to be thinking about him so much if he's not doing the same. You know what I mean. What is the point and hopeing something is going to come about if he's trying to slowing stop making contact with me. But then again, I think I'm being ridiculous. I mean, he has a job, he's in a band he has friends...he has legitamate reasons to be unavailable. I don't need to talk to him every day, I just want to know that he is thinking of me. When I go this long without talking to him, I get scared. He's a good looking guy (plus being in a band) I'm sure he has to beat girls off with a stick daily. I just think of all the other guys that have been hurtfull to me and I get scared that he's going to think that "hey I'm in another state so Becky doesn't have to know what I'm doing right now".

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. Now I'm really driving myself crazy. I don't want to think like that. I need some comfort and encouragement. Matt, so far, has been the only guy that I have actually been comfortable with and I like the way he made/makes me feel. I just really don't want to lose that. I hate that I'm so confused, because it's not that we are in a mutual relationship...actually I don't know what you would call us...if you would call us anything. I just hope it goes somewhere awesome.

I'm so excited that I get to see Lauren tonight. I haven't seen her since before Matt came into town and so I'm desperate to have a conversation with someone and discuss and analyze our lives from the past couple weeks. Love you girl.

"Hey, I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for.
I think I love you.
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
That I've never felt this way."
-Partridge Family