I've been trying super hard to keep myself busy and I think I'm doing a good job...but it still doesn't make me feel any better or keep my mind off of the whole Matt thing. I know it's my fault. I have most of the e-mails that he had written me when we first started talking and I just read a couple of them and they were so sweet. I wonder what happened. So now I'm just sad and depressed that he's not thinking like he used to. Sad. I have like this constant lump in my throat from trying not to cry all the time. I can't get any work done....what to do.
I hung out with one of my brother's friends from high school last night. It was a nice little evening. First we had some dinner at Katz's down town. Great Sandwich shop. Then we played a couple games of pool at Slick Willy's. That wasn't that fun...we were both having bad games. So we went back downtown and sat at Woodrow's for a while and then came home. I haven't stayed out that late in a while, so I'm pretty much feeling it right now. But I think it was good for me to get out.
I've never really hung out with Jared before until last night and he definitely needs some work. Besides being in this 5 year relationship with a girl he doesn't trust and is too scared to break up with because he's a little insecure, he doesn't believe in God and he smokes. I guess I'll just have to slowly pick at him. But I had a good time...it's nice to hang out with new people every now and then.
I got to spend most of the day with Lauren yesterday as well. We drove up to camp for the day to visit some of her high schooler's. It was a nice day. Good to get out of the office for a while. Plus I always have a good time hanging out with her. What's not to like about that awesome chica.
"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hold
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything"
-NIN
About Me
- Becky
- Georgetown, Texas, United States
- I love my family, my friends and God. I am a worrier...I worry about everything, from my job to what I'm going to wear in the mornings. I love life, but I crave more. I could live off of Mashed Potatoes and Coca-Cola and enjoy the occassional balanced meal. I live by myself in a town that I had never been to before I moved to it. I work as a youth director at a Lutheran church. I am constantly craving more in my life...relationships, money, support, etc...but then realize that my life is already blessed in so many ways that I am truly happy with my life the way it is.
1 comment:
Keeping busy is a good thing to do. However, it will not work if you are keeping bust by doing things that remind you of Matt. It's time to find something to do that has no connection to him. That may be a little difficult, because at first you'll try to link everything to him to tell yourself it isn't working. That's nature of the beast. Dustin has the right idea. Crying is wonderful. It is the only way for the mind to cleanse itself. You build up all this junk in your head (by junk I mean negative thought), and it has nowhere to go. The onlty way out is through the eyes. No many people are raised believing that it is wrong to cry. That couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, one of the shortest verses in the bible (John 11:35) reads, "Jesus wept". It also tells us to weep with those who weep. Never feel ashamed to cry. It helps. Great thought Dustin.
As far as Jared goes, you have the right idea. You can't just change people, but we are mouldable. I can't imaginge someone not believing in God. I mean, I don't find there reasoning behind it. It may take some work, but make sure you are strong in the faith, lest you be drawn away as well. He sounds like he is going through some trying times too. Being with someone for 5 years and not trust them...That's amazing. What keeps them together? Fear is not a good answer. At least you had a good time.
Glad you and Lauren had a great time too. It's good to know your friends are around when you need them. Talk to you later.
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